Monday, November 10, 2008


(hai vonn! i almost forgot D:)

A few weeks ago, my broinlaw asked me what I wanted to do after I (hopefully) pass my O lvls. What I wanted to study or work as, etc. My standard answer has always been, "Oh, most probably journalism. Be a writer." But, somehow, when I told him that, I didn't feel the same assurance that I usually feel when I tell someone that. Honestly? I've never even been completely sure.

Anyways, then he went on to tell me about his job (which is the coolest thing, really) and I told him how my mum suggested that I do IT cause 'i'm kinda good at the computer stuff'. That's when he said something that's been on my mind ever since. I mean, I keep mulling it over.

He said, "Do what you really really want to do. As in, the passion's there. Because if you don't, and you decide to just do something else, you could get bored fast. And, the enthusiasm won't be there for long."

Of course, I know that but hearing from someone else you kinda respect... it really hits you. But then I thought about it, and guess what? I won't get to do what I truly want. I did fight for it but then it didn't come through. I've been down waaaay deep in the dumps about it and good friends always keep encouraging me and telling me that I should go for what I want. Then again, you wouldn't really know how it feels when you so badly want something but you can't have it. (okay, maybe you guys do know it. Probably in uh, shopping? :P)

That's probably when I realized that maybe it's not so much about what I want, but mostly, what's been planned out for me. You know, what He wants me to do. Maybe it's because I haven't been trusting God fully or seriously believing 100% that He'll handle my whole future. Like, it's so hard--you know how it is. When you terribly want something so much... and yet, it's not what you get, no matter how much you pray and wish for it.

I guess, it's all down to trust. Faith. The one thing that's supposed to keep me sane and hopeful.

So, God, where do I go from here?
It's not up to me anymore. I don't think it ever has been.

...for in You do I trust,
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
for I lift up my soul to You.
- Psalm 143:8

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